i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
