His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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