what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
