I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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