I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
