Small penises have feelings too.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
