I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
