There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Its about making memories worth repressing
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
