dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
