maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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