I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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