Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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