Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
