"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
