went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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