i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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