did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
