i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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