so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
