Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
