im about as happy as oj after his trial
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
