i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
