i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
