I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
