Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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