shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
