Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
