I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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