I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
