its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
