friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
