mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
