How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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