the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
