Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
