bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
