She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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