he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
