I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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