she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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