What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
