right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
