take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
