I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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