recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your penis caused this!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
