I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
