I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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