I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
