I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
