It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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