I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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