You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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