Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
