I wish you could order shots online.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
