He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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