I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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