Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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