the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
