my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
