I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
