Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
